JUDAS PRIEST’s ROB HALFORD: ‘I Used To Have Really Bad Depression’

In a new interview with Lyndsey Parker of Gold Derby, JUDAS PRIEST frontman Rob Halford was asked where his positive attitude comes from. He responded (as transcribed by BLABBERMOUTH.NET):  ”My sobriety. I just celebrated 39 years this past January, the sixth. One day at a time. It’s a great way to live, because you’re living in the moment. It’s pointless worrying about tomorrow because you don’t know what’s gonna happen tomorrow. Plans and ideas and dreams are vital, but tomorrow hasn’t happened. Yesterday’s gone. It’s in the past. You can’t change anything. You can maybe look at things that could be utilized to fix things in the next opportunity. So living in the moment is just so important. And look, where I’m at in my life, I’ve got nothing to complain about, absolutely nothing to complain about. But a lot of it is mental health. Regardless of who you are and what you do in life, to try and find the balance and harmony of mental health is really, really important.”He continued: “I used to have really, really, really bad depression, not only when I was drinking, but as I came out of drinking. And I think that kind of came from my mom’s side, with the DNA and all that kind of stuff. Somehow I got through that. I didn’t go to therapy. No, I did my research. Yeah, a lot of it again is trying to understand… Sometimes there’s a chemical imbalance that has to be treated and can be treated successfully with the right pharmaceuticals, but sometimes you bring it on yourself, and that is stress, that is just overworrying about things that really haven’t happened or in your mind they might happen and all this plays on into your into your mental health. So that is something that I treasure amongst everything else — sobriety and staying in a mental positive frame of mind. Because negativity is crushing — negative thinking, negative things that you see and hear on the Internet or on the news, I try and just blank that out because it has no value, it has no purpose. It doesn’t build, it destroys. So, all of that is just part of trying to find the joy of waking up and thanking God for the day and just getting through the day — and just trying to push out as much goodness and kindness that you possibly can. It’s easy to do, and the circumstances surrounding getting to that place can be difficult, but we’ve all got a good heart. And so all of that is a part of staying in the light. Stay in the light. Stay with the love.”Halford previously talked about his sobriety last May in an interview with Kat Mykals of the 103 GBF radio station. Asked how he stays humble in order to maintain his sobriety when he is literally known to the world as a Metal God, he responded: “First thing in the morning, I say prayers. Last thing at night, I say prayers. I have to — that’s part of the sober routine, staying sober.”I don’t think that’s ever been lost on me because I know how hard it is for any band to stay together,” he continued. “Bands are so complex and so fragile. The toughest bands in the world are like made of glass — they can just shatter and break apart for the craziest of reasons. So to be able to do this work, this job for over 50 years, I am honored and I am humbled by it. I can’t believe it, and I’m eternally grateful — I’m grateful every day that I wake up that I’m in this band, JUDAS PRIEST. What a band, what a life, what a story. So, reflection, gratitude, being kind. And it’s tough, particularly in the world that we live in. We’re surrounded by a constant screaming clutter. And I’m sure being sober has been a big part of my understanding of this. You’ve gotta try and find your own internal peace and harmony. And that’s tough. It’s hard work. You can’t let it go. You’re working at it all the time. So it’s a lot of that. But truly, I’m just so, like I said, grateful and honored to be in this band doing the work that I love to do, understanding the power of metal, understanding the power of rock and roll.”I’m sure people have told you time and time and time again that they’ve been listening to your show and you’ve helped them get through a hard part of the day or you played a song that made them cry or you played a song that made them feel good. So this is the power of music that unites us and keeps us all in this connectivity. We call ourselves the metal community in PRIEST, and this inclusiveness, everybody’s welcome. And I think again, it’s making everybody feel a part of your life.”When we’re up there on stage, when I’m up there being the Metal God and doing my stuff, we’re doing this together,” Rob added. “It’s not just me. Firstly, I can’t do that without you guys. I’d be stupid doing that to an empty room. So, that’s never lost on me. Every single show is special in that respect, and every single show works its magic for me as a person.”Before I go on stage, I say my serenity prayer. When I come off stage, I say my serenity prayer. I’m a prayer freak. But it helps me. It’s just a beautiful thing. And some of my friends, they say, ‘Why are you always praying?’ ‘I’m not always praying.’ I said, ‘Do you pray?’ I [go], ‘Just try it. What have you got to lose? You’ve got nothing to lose. You’ve got everything to gain by just finding just even one moment in the day, just like 30 seconds of your day, just close your eyes and say a serenity prayer, and eventually it’ll work. Things will start happening. You’ve got to work at it. It’s like love. You can’t expect these things to come to you. You can’t [go], ‘Let me win the lottery. Let me get this. Let me do it.’ You can’t do that. You’ve gotta work, you’ve gotta work. And when you work, when you put in the work, you get the rewards. So all of that is wrapped up in this staying in a sensible, realistic place.”In 2022, Halford spoke to Spain’s Mariskal Rock about how he has managed and avoided the urge to relapse since 1986. “I think about it all the time,” he said about drinking alcohol. “It’s an addiction. When I’m watching the Phoenix Cardinals play on TV the other day, there’s constantly adverts for beer and for alcohol and stuff. And I know it’s there. And it’s a temptation. So you have to have all of the mental tools ready to get you through that instance. ‘Cause it’s all about instances. And I live one day at a time. I’ve lived one day at a time for [almost 40] years now. And that’s all that matters. It’s the moment. You live in the moment — not yesterday, not tomorrow; it’s now. And you have to be ready for when that little beer devil comes on your shoulder and goes, ‘Come on, Rob. Have a little drink of beer.’ ‘Fuck off.’ [Laughs] Because I don’t wanna feel that way again, man. I don’t want to be that person. I was miserable. I wasn’t happy. I was bad to people. I don’t wanna go through that again. So that’s also part of my finding a balance in my day-to-day life.”Rob previously spoke about how he manages to stay clean on the road in a 2020 interview with the “Across The Board” podcast. “It’s not easy,” he said at the time. “It’s very much a day at a time. You’re given all the tools and resources from your rehab experience. I use ’em every day. A lot of it is just like mental notes — talking things through. Sometimes I speak ’em out; a lot of it is internal. So that’s really vital on a day-to-day level of sobriety.”When I was in rehab [in 1986], there’s anonymity in rehab, but at the same time, you have to tell everybody your life story, so everybody knew what I did. And I remember we talked about the fact that I’m gonna go back to this world of sex and drugs and rock and roll and booze. I don’t know how I’m gonna be able to cope, because it won’t be a gradual reimmersion into society, so to speak. I won’t be able to go tiny steps; I’m just gonna go straight into the deep end. I cannot go to work and say to my bandmates, ‘You can’t drink. You can’t do this. You can’t do that,’ because it’s control. Accept your powerlessness.”I don’t think we ever in the band had a sit-down conversation about this, but I think that there was caring and understanding — as there still is,” Halford continued. “But I’d be the last person to say that I have to set a set of rules, because then this whole business of living my life on my terms [turns into something] you push on to other people: ‘Well, now, you can’t do this,’ ‘You can’t do that.’ That’s just hypocrisy on the highest level.”Even now, when we’re flying after a show, and the guys are having a beer or a cocktail or whatever, man, I would love that cold beer. I would love a slug of Jack and Coke. I can smell it, ’cause we’re in a plane together. It’s like this little angel on one side and the devil on the other side. My instant thought is I never wanna be sick again. I never, ever wanna feel that bad ever again. I never want to be in that terrible, dark, lonely place ever again. So it’s fleeting. But, again, it’s always there.”When I’m home, especially [during] this COVID thing, [my longtime partner] Thomas doesn’t drink. When I first met Thomas, he quit drinking. So that’s a support to me. I’m never really around alcohol that much, or drugs, when I’m not working. But, yeah, when my fans, or when PRIEST fans come to see us, yeah, they’re gonna have some drinks; they might have a couple of spliffs [and] do whatever else recreationally. They’re entitled to. And they are living their lives and they are partying and they are having the time of their lives, as they should. They don’t have an alcohol problem; they don’t have a drug addiction. There are people that can enjoy these things in life and it [has] no effect on them, in a physical sense and in a mental sense.”So, it’s an absolute miracle,” Halford added. “I can only say it’s a miracle that I’ve got that far from January the 6th, 1986 without slipping once. And I’m not boasting, because it’s all the past — that’s the past; it’s gone. I live in the moment. I don’t think about yesterday or tomorrow; I’m living now. But I’m grateful that I’ve been able to get this far without failing. Not failing — that’s the wrong word. Without a slip off the wagon — whatever the term is. I’m grateful that I’ve been able to get this far and stay clean and sober. Because if I didn’t, who knows where I would have gone and where I would have ended up?”Halford credited his belief in a higher power for helping him in his recovery. “When I got clean and sober, that was a major change in my life,” he said during an appearance on HATEBREED frontman Jamey Jasta’s official podcast, “The Jasta Show”. “And part of my recovery is just having this higher-power belief. And it works. It works, man. It really, really is important.”Halford added: “There probably will be people listening to [this] podcast who don’t have anything like that in their life, and that’s great; it’s all about acceptance. But I always say to people, if you’re thinking about it, the simplest thing I do is I pray. I pray quite a bit, actually. And even if you don’t believe in prayer, just have a go. Pray for a good day, or just pray for your friend, or whatever it might be. And it’s amazing, man, ’cause it absolutely works. I guarantee, it genuinely does work. And now I’m sounding like [American evangelical Christian evangelist] Billy Graham, but I’m just trying to express some of the things that are important to me on a day-to-day basis that make me able to walk out on that stage each night and do my work.”In an interview with Classic Rock Revisited, Halford said that he quit using substances because he “was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I will always remember the first show I did clean and sober… It was in New Mexico, in Albuquerque,” he recalled. “I literally felt elevated, as everything was coming with such clarity. I was able to really… enjoy the performance of JUDAS PRIEST without having all of the other things in front of it. Since that day, it has been a miracle.”Halford added, “Everybody has to face things in their lives at some point. It [doesn’t have to] be booze and drugs. You can eat too much, or you can not exercise, or whatever… It is not easy staying clean and sober in rock and roll. There are temptations galore from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep, especially when you’re on the road. [But] I think we’re some of the strongest people, my friends and my sober brothers in metal.”Rob’s autobiography, “Confess”, in which he discusses his journey to sobriety, arrived in September 2020 via Hachette Books. It was written with Ian Gittins, co-writer of “The Heroin Diaries” by Nikki Sixx.[embedded content]