Local shelter discusses complexity of domestic abuse

SIOUX FALLS, S.D. (KELO) – Children’s Home Shelter for Family Safety is an emergency shelter for victims of domestic abuse or sexual assault. Since expanding in 2022, the shelter has upped its service.

“We’ve already increased our bed size from 96 beds to 108 and so we’re already seeing that need for growth,” Children’s Home Shelter for Family Safety program director, Kate Feilmeier said.

Feilmeier says part of the reason people stay in abusive relationships is because it’s not always obvious right away.

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“Often we’ll see that first date is always good. If someone was aggressive on a first date, typically people would walk away,” Feilmeier said. “Eventually there’s an explosion or often called the ‘incident’ that has happened. So after that incident has happened, then we typically start seeing people ask, why don’t they just leave then? And it’s because that cycle returns.”

Feilmeier says reasons victims stay include financial struggles, societal pressures, guilt, fear and empty promises.

“We know that it can be really difficult, but then also abusers are very charming. So there’s a lot of compliance starting to happen after those explosions where the abuser might say, ‘well, I’ll give up drinking or I’ll go to counseling,’ whatever it is that maybe the victim has been asking for,” Feilmeier said.

Feilmeier says it’s most dangerous when victims try to leave an abuser. She says that’s why educating people about what domestic abuse looks like is so important.

“Just having that first conversation and explaining like those aren’t typical things in a healthy relationship that’s abuse, that type of thing just can be an eye opener for them to know that we are a resource and that they deserve a healthy relationship,” Feilmeier said.

The shelter also offers educational outreach programs in schools across five counties in the southeast part of South Dakota.