‘Mommy hell’: fentanyl poisoning claimed son’s life

SIOUX FALLS, S.D. (KELO) — Losing a child to fentanyl poisoning is a parent’s worst nightmare. However, after losing her stepson to fentanyl, a local mother is doing what she can to help break the stigma around getting help, both for those struggling with substance abuse and their loved ones.

As a child, Nicholas Dooyema was full of life.

“He would just immediately wake up and then run across the room. And it always kind of scared me because I’m like, how do you have so much energy? Like first thing in the morning? That’s just how he was,” lost step-son to fentanyl poisoning, Melissa Flynn-Dooyema said.

However, once high school hit, things started to change in Nicholas’s life.

“He was experimenting with marijuana and I know that it was I want to say it was right around that high, like the beginning of high school years. And then it started to get more serious,” Flynn-Dooyema said.

Nicholas started using other drugs and got into trouble with the law. His step-mom described that time as ‘mommy hell.’

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“You do everything you can to help your child and there’s just not a lot of, I think it’s getting better, but there’s not a lot of education or help for family members,” Flynn-Dooyema said.

He was in and out of treatment for 10 years. Things seemed to be getting better, but in May of 2018, 25-year-old Nicholas relapsed.

“We did not know until afterward that he had pure fentanyl. He died. He was in our home and he died instantly because of pure fentanyl,” Flynn-Dooyema said.

Following Nicholas’ death, Melissa was contacted by Angela Kennecke, former KELOLAND News Anchor and founder of Emily’s Hope.

“I said something to her about, I really need to help. I want to help families. I’ve got to do something,” Flynn-Dooyema said.

The two mothers became co-chairs for South Dakota’s Addiction Policy Forum, which brought them to Washington D.C.

“Addiction Policy Forum had a huge event where they brought in leaders and policymakers and people that had done programs to help. And so they had speaker after speaker after speaker to help educate us and to let us know what is going on in the world in terms of trying to help these addiction issues,” Flynn-Dooyema said.

The experience helped Melissa become an advocate for people struggling with addiction.

“We just did an International Overdose Awareness Day, our sixth annual on August 31st of this year. We do a candlelight vigil for that. So I help with that. I help organize that for Emily’s Hope. I also am a smart recovery certified facilitator so I can run meetings for both people in recovery and for family and friends,” Flynn-Dooyema said.

She has also become an advocate for the friends and families of those struggling with substance abuse. She wants to help break the stigma.

“If my son had had cancer, people would be bringing me casseroles, flowers, knocking on my door to see what kind of help I needed. Nobody did that because there’s so much stigma around it and people think, ‘Well, you’re those bad parents with those bad kids’. And that is not true. People think that we’re bad parents because our child had a substance use issue, and that is not true. It’s not a morality issue,” Flynn-Dooyema said.

It’s in an effort to save lives and make sure others who lose loved ones don’t feel alone.

Melissa encourages families to seek help if they have a loved one who struggles with substance abuse.

Click here for information on Smart Recovery, which has resources for both families and those who struggle with addiction.